I Mustache You

Beard Care… The 3 Basics

April 27, 2016
love you more too north dallas blogger plano lifestyle blogger husband blogger i mustache you beard care corks and jagger my dearest danae hipster
  • Hey there, it’s me (Colton) again with another round of “I Mustache You”.

Since my feature on the blog is, in fact, called I Mustache You, I thought it was about time I had a little discussion about facial hair.

First of all, to the dudes out there that can’t quite grow facial hair (or grow very little of it)… I just want to say my heart goes out to you. I can’t begin to understand the pain you have to deal with day-in day-out. To those who can grow it, but are unable to keep it due to your job, I say you’ve had a good run at [ INSERT COMPANY HERE ], but it’s time to find a new career. To the dudes that CAN grow facial hair, but choose not to, I say good day!…. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Now, allow me to answer some commonly asked beard-related questions…


Q: Doesn’t it get hot in the summer?

A: No. Manliness is not seasonal.


Q: Aren’t beards out of style now?

A: No. Masculinity is not a fad.


Q: Can I touch your beard?

A: Yes, but be careful of the weapons I hide in it.


Q: When are you going to shave it?

A: Please repeat the question…


Q: When are you going to shave it?

A: Can you please use the question in a sentence?


Q: When are you going to shave it?

A: ** thinks to self “is this person speaking another language?”** Definition please…


Q: Does it ever get unruly or smelly?

A: Just because I look like a Woodsman doesn’t mean I live in the woods…


On that note…

I feel the need to address to something. As a responsible beard owner, I believe it’s my duty to ensure that my beard, although rugged and magnificent, is well-kept. When you think about it, there’s a lot of things going on around this beard; Eating, drinking, talking, yelling, laughing, gum-chewing, cigar smoking, whiskey sipping. Without proper beard care, it can quickly become a breeding ground for 7-11 Hotdog fragments and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (I’m not quite as healthy as my lovely wife).

So, here’s the beard care essentials I use take care of it.

1. Beard Oil

If your (or your dude’s) beard is anything like mine, it has a mind of it’s own. If it wants to look like a birds nest after a tornado, that’s what it’ll look like. Beard Oil helps to tame it and give it a little shine, while also keeping my skin moisturized (scientists have compared my dry skin to the Mojave Desert).

My favorite is Corks & Jagger’s (My Dearest Danae‘s beard care line) “Suit and Tie” Collection.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Pros: The rosewood, grapefruit and cedarwood oils make me smell like what I would think a Greek god would smell like.

Cons: Due to the shimmer and scent, and the occasional arrogance that comes along with having the best damn beard within a 20 mile radius, you may be prone to spontaneous street fights, bear attacks, or other situations in which you may be forced to defend your newfound masculinity. It’s a good idea to carry a weapon with you, as not to get “Leonardo’d” (The Revenant).

2. Mustache Wax

Jess’s least favorite part of my facial hair is my mustache… Until I put a little bit of wax in it. Then, I can’t keep her off of me (please just take my word for it and don’t ask her to validate that statement). It keeps my mustache out of my mouth, tames it, and smells really good in the meantime.

Corks and Jagger’s Bushwacker is a pretty killer wax.

Pros: It’s all natural ingredients mean that I don’t have to wash it out with “wax remover”. Plus, it smells pretty amazing.

Cons: Users may feel the urge to begin riding a “fixie” bicycle, drink only pour-over coffee, purchase a typewriter, listen to obscure music that they don’t actually like but tell everyone they do, and/or put Sriracha on everything.

Before and After

3. Soap

Corks and Jagger’s Swashbuckler is handmade, smells uber-manly and has a grittiness that actually makes me feel like I’m getting clean when I use it (both body and beard).

Pros: In combination with your beard oil and mustache wax, chance of getting a phone number at a bar GREATLY increase! (this is speculation… I’m a married man)

Cons: Remember that arrogance thing I was talking about? There’s a good chance that’ll cause you to get a drink or 2 thrown in your face at the same bar. (again, speculation)

To the ladies with a bearded counterpart…

You’re welcome!

To view the entire Corks and Jagger beard care essentials go here.  Don’t forget to check out their women and baby collections also!

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  • Karin Rambo April 27, 2016 at 9:55 am

    I kind of wish I had a beard just so I could use those fun products! j/k. My hubby can’t grow an even beard so unfortunately there will be no beard in his future.

    • Jessica April 27, 2016 at 10:01 am

      haha. That’s why I love their women’s line. They smell so good. The soaps still make great gifts for dudes (not just dudes with beards). -Jess

  • Sheri April 27, 2016 at 11:26 am

    Love this! Have to show this to my hubby bear! I love his beard, and never ever want him to shave it. He keeps it neat and tidy, and I think men with beards are sexier than those without!

    • Jessica April 27, 2016 at 11:32 am

      I don’t think I remember what Colton’s face looks like without one. haha. 😉 Thanks for reading!

  • Leah April 27, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    These products sound great! I now have a great idea for the hubs! Thanks for all the info!

    • Jessica April 27, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      Of course! Great present for the man in you life for sure. -Jess

  • Kristen April 27, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    I love this! I’m going to get my husband these products! And, I love your response to does it smell and are you going to shave it! so funny!

    • Jessica April 27, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      Haha. It really does smell so good. – Jess

  • Rebecca Hicks April 27, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    Oh my goodness you husband is hilarious! I actually laughed out loud at some points. I’m sharing this with my husband… I think he’d love it.

    • Jessica April 27, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      I laughed out loud reading it too, Rebecca. haha. Hope your husband enjoys.

  • Neely (@Neelykins) April 27, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    My husband just cant pull it off haha!

    • Jessica April 27, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      It took a lot of getting used to.

  • Brittany Giles April 27, 2016 at 9:07 pm

    Perfect Father’s Day inspo! Can not wait to try these out for the favorite men in my world!

    • Jessica April 28, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Right? I am getting some for my dad too. 🙂

  • Lana @ The Joy Blog May 10, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    I’m sending this to my husband. He is in the market for a great beard product set. He is also prone to bear attacks and random street fights. Such is the life of the testosterone un-challenged. Amiright?

    • Jessica May 10, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Baha! Love this! You should get him some. Great gift idea! 🙂