Life

Life Update

July 31, 2020

I’m back. If you couldn’t tell, I took most of June and July off social media, my blog and life, for the most part. There is just so much going on in the world and with myself personally, I needed some time to learn and reflect.

Since it’s my first post back, I want to share a general life update, primarily as a tribute to my Chuck Taylor, but also to answer some questions I’ve been getting a lot on social media.

Nordictrack

Yes, my journey with Nordictrack is still a thing. I promise I will update very soon. Long story short, I have a new Nordictrack bike that I have been riding almost every day, however I am still disappointed in their customer service and have more to share.

Dating Life

Without going into too much detail…Adam and I broke up a few months ago. Ultimately, it was just time for it to end. It had been time for a while, but I tried everything I could to hold it together. Maybe it was denial. Maybe it was hope. I still don’t really know. I love love and fight for things I believe in, but at some point, things aren’t worth fighting for anymore. I want him to be happy and wish him no ill will, but that’s all I want to share about it.

Unfortunately, because of the timing, I was angry and sad to have to go through the last weeks/months of Chuck’s life alone. This is where Colton stepped up in such a huge way. I’m so grateful he and I chose to stay friends, and he was such a huge help with helping with Chuck’s wound and checking in. It’s entirely possible to be friends with your ex and have no romantic feelings.

In June, I started online dating. This is a fun (read: not at all) thing to do in your 30s, but the only way to meet people during quarantine. I had several online dates and a few in person dates (which is weird during quarantine). Now, I have some thoughts to share on the three apps I used for a short amount of time, so maybe this is a post for a different day.

Summer

Most summers, I travel and enjoy the time off, but since that is not an option right now, I worked. In addition to weekend babysitting, I picked up a nanny job that has really been such a huge blessing in my life. I didn’t realize how much I missed my kids at school until I started working with them again. Those first 2 months of quarantine were a lot, and other than weekly Zoom meetings, I had very little face time with the little people I love so dearly. The family I nanny for became my second family, and I will cherish my weekends I get to spend with them.

Chuck Taylor

On Tuesday, June 23, a week after Chuck’s 12th birthday, Colton and I said goodbye to this precious face for good. Here’s kind of how everything went down and what’s been happening since.

And, yes, I still miss those ears more than anything.

Diagnosis

Over a year ago, Chuck had a large tumor removed. The results came back that he had nerve sheath cancer, and other than chemo and him being sick, there wasn’t much to do. I chose to let him live his life to the fullest

This June, he took a turn for the worst and I could tell for the first time his tumor was bothering him. He was finally in pain, and I knew it was time to research options.

Last weeks/days

I made him breakfast every morning, and he more than made up for his lack of human food his whole life. One day I came home to find that Chuck had eaten through half of his tumor. If you want to know what it looks like, imagine a raw meatball. Disgusting. Colton and I knew this was the end. We celebrated his birthday on June 16. After a few days of him being his adorable self, he spent one night in pain, so I made the call to the vet. They didn’t have a Monday appointment, so I scheduled it for Tuesday.

Monday, he was the happiest dog that ever lived. You would never know he was sick, and Colton and I wondered if we were making the right decision. Tuesday rolled around, and he wouldn’t even put his leg on the ground. He was in pain. God gave me one last happy day with him, and reassured me that it was time.

Beyond the Rainbow

When Dr. Heinemann arrived, she was so patient, calming, and reassuring. The whole process was as flawless as something this heartbreaking could be. Even without all the Covid restrictions, I would have choose this service.

I made the decision for at home so Lucy could be a part of it, and Chuck could be in a non-stressful environment made it worth it. Within a couple of days, they had the ashes returned to me along with his paw print and more.

Tribute

I posted this on Instagram, but in case you missed it.

This afternoon I said goodbye to my best friend. The guy that’s been with me through everything. My ride or die. My one true love in all of this crazy mess of life. From nights alone while Colton worked to days chasing you around the apartment/house, 6 moves, 1 divorce, 1 breakup, 1 friendship heartbreak, 4 college degrees, countless trips, multiple hospital visits, and every other big and small moment of my life.•That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I know it was the right thing. I’m so grateful for Beyond the rainbow and the services they offer to make this suck just a little less. I hate cancer. It’s the absolute worst. I hate that it took him away from me a couple years earlier than it should have.

Chuck Taylor, you taught me so much about love. I’ve never wanted my own human child but you were my everything. You made the hard days brighter and the bright days more full. I am the luckiest that I got to be your mom. Thank you for letting me kiss you endlessly, throw you birthday parties, dress you up for Halloween, and put sweaters on you when it was cold. I will miss those floppy ears, especially when hanging out the window of the car. I will even miss your scratches when you want more pets on your head. I’ll miss you being the cutest Roomba ever. I love you. You’ll always be my favorite.

  • Lindsay July 31, 2020 at 11:56 am

    This breaks my heart to read. I’m so sorry my friend. Sending so much love and hugs. Your baby will always be with you. My deepest condolences. Colton sounds like such a great guy and I’m glad you had him there for you and Chuck both.

    • Jessica August 3, 2020 at 9:37 am

      Thank you so much. He was the best little doggo.