Valentine’s weekend starts today and many couples are looking for something fun or romantic to do together to celebrate. Colton and I don’t typically make a big to do about Valentine’s, but I thought it would be a great time for the two of us to take our “5 Love Languages Quiz”.*
I am not a love expert, guru, or a couples’ counselor (although, I did take a marriage and family counseling class in college), but I believe that finding out one another’s “love language” is a great way of connecting and understanding each other. My thoughts were if I could better understand how Colton wants to receive love, I can be better about showing it to him. It sounds so easy.
A little background on our relationship: Colton and I met in December 2001 (we were 14). I knew right away I had a crush on this tall, lanky, braced-faced boy. However, we were just friends and spent many days chatting on Instant Messenger (haha!) to get to know each other better. At the end of March 2002, we started “dating” (i.e. our parents drove us to the movies or to each other’s house to hang out until our parents picked us back up). We dated all throughout high school (minus a 6 week break up senior year before prom) and college. Colton and I married on June 14, 2008 (hense our photography business SixFourteen).
We have been together (almost) 15 years, which is more than half of our lives. We took the love languages quiz after we first got married, so I was sure nothing had changed. I thought I knew everything about this guy and how he showed and wanted love. To be honest, I thought I knew myself too. Our results actually surprised both of us.
Our love languages
Primary: Words of affirmation (8) & quality time (8)
Secondary: Physical touch (6)
Least: Receiving gifts (3)
Primary: Acts of service (10)
Secondary: Words of affirmation (9)
Least: Physical touch (2)
What does all of this mean?
The easy part: I was shocked and thrilled that “words of affirmation” rated so high on both of ours. Since being an encourager is one of the biggest parts of my job as a school counselor, words are very important to me. It is one of the most common ways I show love to my friends (texting, uplifting comments on FB/Instagram, talking to others when they are feeling down, etc.). Since taking the quiz, Colton and I are more intentional with our words to one another. He can brighten my day with a simple “I’m thinking about you” text and I can do the same with “I’m so proud of you and how hard you work” affirmation.
The hard part: Colton’s secondary (physical touch) is my lowest & his other primary (quality time) is my second lowest. This means that we are both going to have to have some give and take. He understands that they are the most difficult (but not impossible) ways to show love, and can lovingly remind me (because I like words) when those needs aren’t met. I, on the other hand, know how important those two are to him, so I have to work to make sure I am responding to his love languages. To be honest, I enjoy spending quality time with him or holding his hand in public, but it is just doesn’t come as naturally and they are not the first things I think about when I am showing love.
This Valentine’s Day, you and your significant other should revisit the Love Languages and find out more about one another. The website offers printable and digital versions of the quiz as well as resources to read more in depth about the love languages and gain a better understanding. If you are still searching for a gift, why not make it a lasting one?
* The 5 Love Languages quiz is based on the book written by Gary Chapman. You can visit the site here for the quiz and to purchase several different books.
Photo by Tyler+Lindsey Photography